Piecing it together
I had an experience earlier this weekend that I’m still really feeling. It looked like this:
I’m milling through a group of people. This is not my comfort zone in general, and 2+ years into the pandemic, I am out of f*cking practice. I lose my mind for a minute - I stop being able to think and I’m feeling lost. My partner shows up at my side to take my hand. After a bit, I can feel my feet again and we move forward with the day.
Why am I telling you this? Because it felt messy, and so did today’s art session. See, the thing is, I’m really good at cleaning up messes. However, I pretty much suck at being in them. I get sweaty and flustered and want to run away. But we are all in a heck of a mess right now. I’m not just talking about the pandemic here. I’m also talking about climate change and gun violence and white supremacy and capitalism. Not only is there nowhere to run from all this, the only way anything is going to change is if we get better at showing up.
So, how do we practice staying? Today, for me, it is writing this note to you. And what happens? I notice that as I’ve been writing this and occasionally looking over at the paintings, I’m starting to see the beauty there again. I notice too that the story I shared at the outset is not so much one of being lost, but of being met. There’s still no guarantee that everything’s going to turn out well, and yes, I am sweating a bit. I’m also able to feel my feet, and the ground under them, and I know that I am not alone.
