are we there yet?

There are some journeys that just fly by; it seems that in the blink of an eye, we have arrived. There are others where it seems like the miles only gradually accumulate. Making art is a journey, and the series of paintings I’ve titled “Shapeshifting” has been the latter sort of experience. In fact, it’s still underway. Even though the paintings are done, and titled, and an entire poem written about them, I find that I’m still working out what they mean to me and why I made them. Some days I feel frustrated by this. I want to be able to wrap this work up in a bow and move on, but it’s clearly not done with me. Other days, this feels ok. In fact, it feels entirely appropriate. These pieces explore life at the crossroads. On personal, societal, and environmental levels, there is no going back, and the way forward is unclear. I’m looking for answers that aren’t there yet.

A few months ago, my partner started to use this phrase: “It takes the time it takes.” Initially, this drove me a bit batty. My almost Pavlovian response was a wave of impatience. Then in the last few weeks, the phrase has started popping up all around me - in a recent author’s talk, overheard in other people’s conversations, and even occasionally coming from my own mouth. I still feel a sense of resistance, but I’m also starting to laugh about it. I’m learning to trust the truth in those words. It’s not comfortable, but it is oddly comforting. “Are we there yet? No, love. It takes the time it takes.” My shoulders drop, my breathing deepens, and I can show up for what is.

And that, apparently, is a large part of what this series is about: showing up for how things are rather than what we might wish them to be. Turning away changes nothing. Octavia Butler wrote “God is Change.” Taking those words to heart, it makes me think that our turning away might actually shut down a source of hope and grace that could see us through*. So, with my heart beating like the wings of a bird, I’m standing here in the road. Will you join me?

*To be clear, I’m a queer Buddhist witch, and this phrase still has meaning for me. Also, even more to the point, who is going to argue with Octavia?

Above: a series of detail images from Shapeshifting. You can view the full paintings and the complete body of work here.